No, I know what you're thinking, I haven't sunk quite that low yet.
Still as value for money goes I think we could be circling the drain here, still lets see where we end up shall we? Besides as I've said before this is free, you damn sponges!!!
Where was I? Oh yeah!
I saw A FOX tonight!!! Straight up! A Frickin' FOX!!! Going through the bins!!!
I always used to laugh at those stories of city kids gawping wide-eyed at sheep and cows when they were allowed to pollute the countryside but how the nature worm has turned!
Of course, I have seen a Fox before (I refer you to the from the countryside bit above) living in Oulton for a year (tiny village) and Burston when I was wee (another tiny village) and having had Grandparents in the country I am aware of British nature and always have been. BUT this is why I was so shocked to see a Fox in the middle of the Town, and not just 'see' but almost sodding well TRIP OVER the bugger! I know there are these hoards of 'Urban Foxes' now but still I had no idea they were so ridiculously unperterbed by people! He didn't bat an eyelid! Just looked at me before continuing his meal. I mean I could literally have reached out and stroked this thing (not that I would, I'm not THAT stupid). You'd never get that in the country. They shit themselves quicker than you can blow your bugle and shout 'Tally-ho!'
But there it was, going through the bins, and he was big fella too with a big bushy tail! I suspect that if Roald Dahl's 'Mr Fox' character - the debenair, clever and outrageous country gent - had a illigitimate East End half brother it would of been this Fox.
I suspect he'd be called Dave.
Dave from Camden (or Caaaamdan as the locals seem to refer to it) doesn't take any shit. I suspect that's why him and Mr Fox don't get along too well, leading to why he never visits in the book. Their relationship probably took a wrong turn when Mr Fox got tired of his brother refering to him as 'Foxy' and his brother's diet of 'last night's kebab' as opposed to stolen chickens probably didn't sit too well with him either. To be fair I imagine Dave probably didn't enjoy his brother's haughty manners much and as the only people who drink stolen cider in London are homeless he probably thought Mr Fox was a 'dodgy fella' anyway.
But if he did turn up in the book he wouldn't of taken that shit from the farmers, trying to starve all the animals, not a chance. Sod burrowing into the chicken hutch, he'd of lifted the farmer's tractor keys and gone for a spin before ramraiding the barn with it. Had they still been 'askin for it' he'd of bottled 'em. Probably using one of their own bottles. Job done.
Probably wouldn't of made quite as good a book though.
Anyway's other than my thrilling encounter with nature not alot to report. Friend visited at weekend and I got drunk, work keeps oscilating between plain sailing and 'Icebergs ahoy!' with alarming frequency and I'm ticking off the days till payday - 16 to go, winner! Now I have to go, I can hear something and I think its Dave getting larey around my bins, where's that damn Bugle?!?!?!?