Day 1: Any Questions?

The alarm on my phone went off like a bandsaw being revved up in my skull. Not that the opening Bass of a Jamiroquai was unappreciated but the phone was also vibrating on the bedside table shuddering along like a mechanical slug.


I pulled my eyes open and turned it off. Yep, it was time to get up on my first day alright!


The first day of a job is normally quite a stress for me anyway but when that new job could mean throwing you into the heart of a General Election campaign in what amounts to one of the key marginals in the country it - I have to admit - added an extra edge to the day's proceedings.


Having not slept all that well getting up was a challenge but as I shuffled out the door at 8 lack of sleep wasn't at the top of my concerns. The likelihood of a bloody election had been growing ever since I had accepted the bloody job about a month before but it still didn't seem possible. Okay so we had a ten point lead in the polls but the Scotish Labour MPs had come out against and there were plenty of good reasons not to go.


I mean there are plenty of good reasons why the last November election had been in the 30's (and only then because the National Government had collapsed), the fact that it goes DARK at 5pm, the fact that its bloody COLD and bloody WET!


I got to work at just after 9 but James (the guy training me and who funnily used to have this job...) was late so I waited in a cafe brooding over a cup of tea.


Phone rings.


'Hello'
'Hi George, I'm here on the car park behind the office, meet you here.'


Hangs up.


Alright then, when I walk onto the car park James is stood there furiously texting something on his phone.


'Hi George, right I've gotta go after this morning but I'll show you the ropes first.'


That didn't exactly sound like the greatest amount of training but it appeared something more serious was going on. I could only nervously smile and nod like some sort of retarded mute.


Once in the office he rounded on me once again.


'Right these are your keys, also the keys to Celbic Hall (the first time I'd heard of the place) and this is your office. This is your intray (overflowing with mail) hasn't been emptied for a few days, going through this stuff is your bread and butter alongside inputting on Labour.Contact, thats on your computer there...'


This went on like this for some time. Not enough time for it to register or sink in but quite some time nonetheless. I should point out there was also alot of swearing... In fact if you swap every piece of punctuation I've written for a 'Fuck!' you'd be close to the reality...


'Right any questions so far?'
'Err yeah, the reason I was starting today was so I could have a handover week with Chris, but he's not here... Has something happened?'
James stared at me for a second hatred in his eyes (I wasn't sure if that was aimed at me or somerthing else)
'One piece of advise George. The worst thing as an Organizer you can do is say you've done something when you haven't... Don't ever do that, don't lie, if something goes wrong tell people. Don't do a Chris okay?!?!?'
'Errr sure, okay.'
'Right, ever used a Rizograph? No okay...' At which point I was taught (I use the word loosely) how to use all the bits of office machinery.


'Right, this Friday you need to organize a bunch of photo shots for Joan for her Calander or for the election, this is the list of shots...' and then he gave me a quick list of phone numbers of useful members and people to call. 'Okay so I've got to go, you okay? Great I'll give you a call later.'
'Err, before you go, how likely is it? The election I mean...'
'I'd say about 80% (Fuck), give me a call if you get in any trouble.'


And with that he was off.

So then, there was no-one in the Parliamentary Office, Joan was in Cyprus till Friday and I had to start organizing the Election Campaign for Friday and I've already lost half a day...

Fan-fucking-tastic.